Mr Pierced T-Shirt

This little fella sets off metal detectors from the car park. Mr. Pierced has got rings, studs, bars, and hoops in places you didn't even know had places. He's got both ears, both eyebrows, his nose twice, his lip three times, his tongue, and a collection south of the border that he'll tell you about after two drinks whether you wanted to know or not. He walks past a magnet and leans slightly to the left. He can't eat an apple without planning around it, can't blow his nose without a risk assessment, and hasn't gone through airport security in under forty-five minutes since 2009. He calls it "body modification." His mum calls it "a cry for help." He spends more on surgical steel than most people spend on groceries and has a relationship with his piercer that's more committed than any of his actual relationships. He cleans his piercings the way other people do skincare — twice a day, with dedication and a saline solution he buys in bulk. Every single one hurt. Every single one was "worth it." And every single time someone asks "did that one hurt?" he says no. He's lying. It absolutely did. But he's already booked the next one.

Part of The Little Fellas collection — 25 original characters inspired by the little books that shaped a generation.